To find a good therapist, reaching out and making the first contact in itself can feel like an achievement. I am aware when I speak for the first time with enquirers who are exploring their options for therapy services such as talk therapy, that significant progress has already been made towards well-being.
Sharing My Experience
It was a new experience for me in my twenties when I contacted a therapist and asked for help. I had several questions running through my mind such as how to start therapy or what to talk to a therapist about. I remember my initial session vividly. I wanted to see a therapist. I knew I needed psychological support.
In the counselling room, it felt strange and unfamiliar. I was in a new space and relationship which part of me had longed for over many years. I wanted to be seen. I needed to be heard. A space without judgement was essential for me. I was searching for a safe and containing therapeutic relationship in which I could begin to tell my experience.
At the time I couldn’t express these needs. I didn’t have the words to say why I was searching for help. All I knew was that I was uneasy with myself. Something within me and about me was stuck.
I recognise this experience in some clients, especially those exploring talk therapy for the first time. ‘What would you like to get out of therapy?’ is an obvious question.
I hear myself asking it on the phone during an initial consultation and at the first assessment session. If you are thinking you’re not sure what to talk to a therapist about, then you must know that it’s okay not to have an answer.
Within us, there may be an inner nudge, a gnawing, an emptiness, or an ache, which urges us to connect with a professional. Trust this. Give yourself permission to explore your options.
How To Find A Good Therapist?
Recently I tried to find a therapist online for myself and a few family members. It felt like a daunting task. Although I have been a client with different therapists through each decade of my adult life, it was a challenge.
Even as a practising counsellor and psychotherapist, I had to steel myself when searching for a talk therapist for myself. Online directories and Google searches within milliseconds can identify galleries of talk therapists at the ready to help us. How do you decide who to contact?
Well, here are a variety of tips:
- Focus on the profile image of the therapist. Is this the face of someone you feel you can trust?
- Does the therapist state that they work with the issues and difficulties which are important to you?
- Working face to face, online, phone or walk & talk: is the way of working you are interested in on offer?
- Listen for the tone, as well as content, of the profile and website. Get a sense of the person from how they write about themselves.
- Check the therapist’s times of work, current availability, schedule of fees, professional body membership, and type of clients worked with – adults, children and couples.
- Seek personal recommendations – ask around your family, friends, and colleagues.
‘I want you to find a therapist who is a good fit for you at this time.’ I say this to enquirers because I mean it with all my being. The therapeutic process has transformed my life for the better. Each day I see it at work helping clients find relief from psychological difficulties and being resourced for life. I trust the process. I know it works.
What Are The Green Flags To Look For?
To find a good therapist, counsellor, or psychotherapist, we are searching for a person with whom we can make a ‘therapeutic relationship’, or ‘working alliance’. What does this look like?
When I experience with my therapist:
- Warmth – a sense that they get me and they’ve got my back; I know I am supported and challenged
- A judgement-free space – this alone is astonishingly powerful to be in a relationship with another human and not feel judgement
- A safe space – where the relationship is contained and held, this in itself can be a liberating experience; I feel prized; when all this happens – this is foundational for the therapeutic process to work.
This is what we are looking to find when we search for a counsellor or psychotherapist.
Be Open To Exploring
‘Give yourself permission to find a therapist who is a good fit for you – that person with whom you can build a therapeutic relationship.’ I also share this tip with folks who are searching for a therapist.
Some clients know from sifting through therapist profiles who will work for them. Others speak with (or communicate in a text-based format) a shortlist of candidates and get a sense of them via the phone. (Check your options for a free phone consultation with therapists you are interested in.)
Sometimes it can take a session, or a few, to work out if your chosen therapist seems like someone you can work with. Give yourself permission to check in with yourself – does this person feel like someone I can open up to and trust?
It’s Always A Two-Way Street
Discovering and building a therapeutic relationship is a two-way endeavour. The therapist needs to know that they feel able to be psychologically available to the client for the work the client wants to do.
Sometimes a therapist will communicate and explain that they feel unable to work with an enquiring client. Be aware this happens from time to time. It is a mark of ethical practice.
Pay attention to those therapists who have your best interests at heart – whose priority is for you to find a counsellor, or psychotherapist, who is a good fit for you – a person with whom you can explore building a therapeutic relationship.
Start Your Therapeutic Relationship With Me, Mark Greenaway-Robbins
If all your attempts to find a good therapist have been unsuccessful, perhaps this article would be a source of inspiration for you. I understand that choosing a therapist who is a good fit for you takes ample time and courage.
That is why you must know that whatever you are going through, you don’t have to go through it alone. As a registered counsellor and psychotherapist with the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), I work with adults based in Cardiff.
If you are looking for therapy services or need answers to poignant questions such as ‘how to start therapy’ or ‘what to talk to a therapist about’, you can reach out to me.
